Incompletions and Relationships


Have you ever felt that you have just not quite finished a job you were doing? Or had a meeting with someone and gone away feeling unsure about what happened or what the next move is that you have to take. Have you ever had a dispute with someone and walked away from what had been a wonderful relationship until then? I call these experiences ‘Incompletions’. They will be a familiar experience to almost everyone and we may not understand how important they are.

These incomplete experiences happen throughout our lives and are mostly not noticed, or not paid attention to, yet go on to play a major role in our experiences with our self and with others. How you may ask? We have learnt much about the human personality and how it works, over the past hundred or so years. But do we really have the answers that give us a way to unravel our unhappiness, our depression or the many ways that we experience our lives as not satisfying? Ways that bring the answers to greater fulfillment for ourselves and our families and friends?

We have learnt from our cultural understanding that time is linear, that our past is behind us and our future in front of us. Our clocks and our calendars continually present this idea to us. One day follows the next. As the sun rises and sets so we have ordered our world and our thinking and beliefs. Our past is past and our future yet to come.

But wait a bit! Our experience is that there is an hour from now and there was an hour ago, and there was yesterday and there will be tomorrow. Well yes but that is our learned reality and the way we order our time in this experience on planet Earth. There is a discussion article here if you would like to read more on this idea and I am sure a Google search would find more. I want to move on a little.


I have discovered that time is irrelevant in our mind and memory. When we allow ourselves to go into our memory we can touch so many experiences that seem as real in their emotional experience as when they first happened. Many of these memories carry incompletions and so many of them belong to childhood experiences, but not all. When we explore these moments in our lives we often find there is something not said or done that needed to be done so that those involved could move on. It may be an emotion that needed to be expressed, words that needed to be said, something that needed explanation or a perceived unfair judgement and punishment. In each of these experiences we make decisions about ourselves and the world. They can even be vows and act like truths that we then live by. These moments are alive and fully active in your life and affecting your relationships right now.


The amazing thing is that if we take away time as linear, if we search our mind space for where it ends, where the fences may be, where time operates, we find there are no fences, there is only the timeless space. In that space are our memories, our understandings, our beliefs, all of which are part of our total being: physical, mental and emotional and we have access to it all when we release the belief that we do not.

In fact we have the power to access any point in our lives from this present moment and we can make changes in what happened in any experience that we can tap via memory. In this way we not only change the so called past, we change the present and the future.