Tolerance Levels – Keeping Ourselves in Balance
I awoke this morning to a major realisation about my tolerance levels. My success is limited!
All that is happening is too much to tolerate. We usually think of this as relating to negative things but not so in this case. My kitchen is unbearable!
I have been given a gift of a renovated kitchen to replace the old one which was much in need of replacement. But to be given so much is intolerable for me. So I have brought about a balance. The way I have done this is to see ‘what is not right’ in glaring red lights. To find fault in what has been done, to see what still needs to be done more strongly than what has been done.
I have also spent money that is not available for the purposes I used it, thus creating problems and difficulties to be struggled with. I could have my physical body go into pain and ill health. I could create problems in my relationship with my partner and others. I could lose enthusiasm for my work. I could not meditate or be unable to enroll classes. I can destroy things I have created for presents, deeming them not good enough. I have done all of these in my lifetime and closed the door on many things. Thus creating a balance that matches my sense of what I am worth. For I consider I am not deserving of what has been given. This gift puts me out of balance, out of control. A gift too great!
This event happened in my life some years ago now but the lesson has stayed. I followed this idea of needing to balance the good experiences in my life with those I considered negative. I found that this, what I named Tolerance Levels, appeared in several places in my experiences. It definitely showed up in my finances. There was a point where I had too much money and would go on a spending spree until I found my finances were back to where I was alright with what I had. Although I usually went into more debt than I was happy with or at least had less money available to me than I was comfortable about so I would generate or receive money from sources in place. Then the cycle would begin again. I found it also played out in my relationships. With my husband, if he was very expressive in his loving to me, it would not be long before I found something to create an argument about!
This set me to watching others and talking to friends and students about these tolerance levels in our lives. How we keep the balance so beautifully. Keeping to our deeply set ideas of our worthiness or what is our place in life. I found that tolerance levels played out most strongly in the financial, love and success areas of people lives. A friend recently related a story to me of how a few weeks ago she had received a gift of a few hundred dollars and within two weeks she went shopping. On arriving home she found somewhere on her shopping trip she had lost a favourite, and quite expensive jacket that she had taken with her. She fixed her tolerance level so easily!
These beliefs are formed by us as we come into physical form and journey with it. We begin at our conception point to make decisions that form the basis of the personality we are forming to walk through this life experience as. Experiences that are high in emotional content, and that form our beliefs about ourselves and our worth. Our integrity in keeping to these beliefs is total. For us as limited awareness beings in our human form on planet Earth we keep our word to ourselves at a deep level. After all we created this personality so that it would fit in with our culture. It is the way of it. The ‘personal self’ as set will be honoured by us whatever its qualities are.
Can we bring about such a change in the personality so that we shift these tolerance levels? Can we change the balancing act so that we can fulfill our dreams and visions? YES – the personality is a cloak of the being – a garment worn as a necessary part of an experience of life. You may change a garment when you out-grow it or see the necessity for such a change, so it is with personality.
First must come awareness, and then the uncovering of the elements that operate the self, the drivers, if you like. Then the choice to release these drivers, release the decisions, release the energies that hold them in place. The question to address is not one of letting go of control so much as releasing the elements you have placed within the your total personality matrix to create the life you are living. If you wish to change your tolerance levels so that you are living a more fulfilling life then you must bring change to the matrix of your personality.
Well I decided I wanted a major change in the way it was for me. I needed to change the energies within me that were controlling the balance for a quality of living that was less than desired. These energies were always keeping me in the same place. Although it may have looked different, I remained dissatisfied, not up to scratch. If I built a house I had to tear one down, if I got something I had to let something go. I could only have a certain measure of success. So I stated: ‘THIS MUST SHIFT!!!’
And then I did the work!